Friday, October 6, 2017

Different Kicks


You create a life that everyone wants, not realizing that you don't even want it for yourself.
and you continue to fit yourself in these molds that everyone built looking at everyone else
...in this endless vicious cycle of dissatisfaction.
You keep denying who you really are, who you really are meant to be without ever realizing that
thats what people want, what people need.
Everyone just wants something authentic, trying to get rid of that dreaded asthenic

feeling.

The ones that keep coming at you, surfacing at the thought of the newness in bed or the
conversation within.

or the simple fact that you are afraid if its really just him. or if its you.

and it grasps you, it takes hold of you, and doesn't let go. Like a newborn's grip, tightly.

stop looking back, theres nothing for you there. You're no longer that person, no longer those thoughts. Keep evolving, keep reading, immersing yourself in the vault of who you are.

and the stars that you see, maybe they are a mirage of what you want to be

be with you, be with the person who is right now who is in this moment.

Who are you?

says the lonely girl who just realized that everything is just an illusion of her own perception.


Thursday, September 14, 2017

Flores en el Corazon



te sigo en mi despertar...solita en mi caminar, cercitas de ti.
como si fuera de aƱos y de siglos pasados, de vidas vividas y cosmos lejanos
como si mi ser reconociera que anduvimos paseando el espacio sideral 
lentamente, sin pensar. cuidadosamente, sin quemar
con el fuego que arde sin control
dentro de mi

y quien diria que en esta vida te encontraria

como la flor del fruto que desprende al salir el sol
despues de una noche negra y obscura sin color
como los rayos de luz que me tocan por dentro, tejiendo tu esencia en mi historia por dentro
recordando del pacto que hicimos un tiempo, sin pensar que seria aqui.

y dejo que el abrazo de tu aroma me arrope en el aqui y ahora, sin negar mi sentir
porque es normal, es vivir. 

y dejo que las flores crezcan dentro de mi corazon. 
Las atiendo, las riego, les doy todo el amor.

Que te tengo a ti. 

- Esthefany Arochi


Sunday, June 25, 2017

Stream of Consciousness Pt. 1





Pictures from my 2014 NYC trip, where my parallel self is currently living.


Stream of Consciousness

I forgot how good it felt to transcribe these fleeting feelings onto this alternate web reality.

Fleeting.

Because once the time passes and the moments stand solely as copies of memories. Transposed through the filters of what we decide makes us the happiest. 

Polished filters, finely strained. 

Because somehow the pain doesn't fit through the fine areas, you know it too well. 

I'm feeling nostalgic. Ha. Can you tell?

I have this weird obsession with time. It's like the thought and concept never leave my brain as if that in itself wasnt ironic. The way we age, the way we never fully leave a reality although it may seem like many are other. Parallel to each other, thriving simultaneously at all once. Not knowing wether the current one is truly the happiest one you could experience.

Or maybe it's not about happiness.

What if its for some other metaphysical abstract reason that could never be fully explain because it is too far out of our reach to be fully comprehended.

Like the music that is written by the greats as a form of personal expression yet is taken and molded into different heartbreaks and moments, that although not written by you, can be so perfectly descriptive in its melodies and words.

Or maybe its just a craving for your favorite cereal? Kind of like the one you would eat in the mornings when your parents all left to work and you had to find out what to eat for breakfast before the bus picked you up.

All while getting in your daily dose of Rocket Power. The show of course. 

Remember that show? Honesty hour. You didnt even really like that show, why did u pretend?

The human psyche has an incredible way of molding itself. I think thats why you pretended. Also you were 8.... so is it some kind of childhood rule?

We're getting too deep here, its scratching dirty shoelaces and elementary traumas.

Lunch plans
Post It Notes
The Weather
Kids
Pets

Any of these are good topics for light conversations, please refer whenever in need of numbing conversation, in which it will allow for your brain cells to rest. Great tip.

Lets get back to what matters. I'm going way off topic here....these posts can only have so much non-concrete ideas. Jesus.

My mind has been okay as of late. My body not so much.

I need to lose weight, my body feels it. The lack of energy uses and the vast amounts of it being stored. I'm having all sorts of energy reservoirs being maxed out and my body is feeling it. 

Wish it wasnt so freaking hot outside and maybe i could run in the afternoons, yet again, I've had all of Spring to do it and i didnt even bother. 

Also, i really need to stay on some kind of routine, some kind of everyday predictability so that i am used to something stable in my life. It's like my inner self rejects any kind of order. 

No, you wont become boring
No, it won't take you longer
No, it won't be detrimental for you

quite the contrary. Maybe some kind of order in your life will bring you an increased relaxation. The one achieved not through foreign substances but rather through the task of following through with your lists, making sure that your bills are paid on time, that you made ur bed, and that dinner can be made because you have all of the necessary ingredients in your pantry. 

Tragic Run-On, True statement.

Well i just got distracted with the dire need to watch 500 Days of Summer. So i'll end it here. 

My melancholy finds solace in it. 

Stef