Thursday, January 21, 2016

La Niña Reaparece


In my favoritest of places EVER. Zion National Park, UT. Observation Point Hike. 

I've been stuck in a writing rut. The kind that sticks and doesn't want to go away cause its too damn cold outside and the rest of the world seems like an empty shell for the hollowness that is everything else. The kind of writing rut that laser beams ideas and thoughts in brain space but when it's finally time to land them to reality they just don't ever seem that great. The kind of writing rut that is comfortable within the walls of a private journal but to afraid to show its face on the internet cause you know....criticism. Not that it matters anyways cause I really have no clue if anyone ever comes on here and reads these ramblings of mine that make no sense. Cause at the end of the day, it is my literal brain vomit spilling onto a keyboard converting itself into half ass sentences and thoughts to form what some might call a "blog post." But really guys, when did fear become so ubiquitous in me writing out my emotions and feelings and sharing it with the internet? Maybe its because I've met people over the course of this year that seem so smart and educated and their writing is so eloquent that it makes mine look like shit. For example, i have this professor friend, he is a composition GOD. DIOS i tell you. Ive read some of his things and damn, speechless. Or like my coworker slash friend who's proclamation writing flows smoother than the (vegan) butter i used on my toast this morning.

Oh yeah i'm vegan now. I mean, guys, i hate labels. I really do. Telling people I'm vegan sends a little shiver up my spine cause it places me in this metaphorical box that often associated with patchouli and rabbit food like lunches. But if you have to put a name on it, its Vegan, and its going pretty great. More on that later. Yeah?

So where were we? Oh yeah, my writing. I've you've read this blog long enough you would already know that punctuation is used sparingly, run-ons are frequent visitors (like that one guy at your local bar), and grammar is literally non existent. But you know what? I convince myself that it's okay because i want my "voice" to go through my writing, as if you were talking to a friend. Shitty excuse, yes I know, but whatever. Makes me sound like I know what I'm doing. So what now? Where to from here?

Well it's 2016 fam. We made it. Where the hell did 2015 even go? At the same time though 2015 felt like a fucking E-TER-NITY. It was a good year, a long year. A year of healing and reconnecting. One of expansion and commodity at the same time. I had really incredible and amazing things happen to me this year. I met people that taught me and have left a piece of who they are in my story. & of course I've had those moments where I just wanted to stop everything, give up, and cry at home while listening to Interpol. What will 2016 hold? Who knows. I've felt a little unmotivated the last few months, the cold tends to do that to me. All i know is the sun is peeking itself more frequently now and it makes me so happy. This was a pointless update, however, felt really therapeutic. I felt in my zone again. Writing rambles and thoughts for people to read if they feel like it. It's weird cause if you were to look at my edits, there are tons of unfinished essays and posts and pictures that i just dont ever finish or actually post. Pero no importa, el dia sigue y la vida es corta. A mi me hace feliz escribir y eso es lo que hare.

Gracias por siempre estar aqui. Por mandarme mensajes de vez en cuando. For sending me those tweets to update this forgotten paradise which i call my second home. I've come back and staying for good.

Stef