|A journal, a park, & some good melancholic music. All I'll ever need.|
As it shows, my devotion to this space as a personal blog has fallen a little by the wayside, only writing every once in a full moon (literally. did you see that thing last night!?). My lack of interest for expressing my personal thoughts on here has not been because I have let go of writing itself, but rather have been enjoying keeping it within the confinement of my journal instead. I've always been a believer of writing in a notebook, lately however, I've been carrying it with me everywhere I go in case a spur of the moment idea or thought decides to stop by. This has been therapeutic for me, allowing me to release all of my emotions on paper, instead of contemplating them with aimless car rides and melancholic music. Although, releasing all those emotions serves really good at the gym, especially when those emotions are of anger or motivation. Today I decided to take a trip to the park during my lunch break, to get some inspiration from mother nature herself. I placed down my yoga mat in the perfect spot (always carry your yoga mat in your car guys! They serve good as blankets in lieu of one) and let nature take its course on me. It's truly magical what being outdoors can do to you while trying to write. The air fills my lungs with gratitude for what no man can create and the sun produces in me happy balanced feels of all kinds. I usually don't have anything in mind when I decide to take some time to fully focus on scribbling in my yellow Moleskine, but the minute I let my mind pause itself and take a few deep breathes, all the melancholic, happy, bittersweet, amazing thoughts rush in. Things/instances/stories that have been on my mind lately....
The Kite StoryI have a kite. I never owned a kite as a child and flew it for the first time in April. This kite that I have has a deep emotional significance to me and I always carry it in the trunk of my car in case the weather seems dandy and I feel inspired to take it out. On my way to the park, I got the urge and decided that I was going to fly it since the day was nice and although gloomy in a sense, it wasn't that bad. Once I got out of my car I realized that there was no significant wind blowing, adding some challenge to the deed. I figured I would have to work double to get it to go and for it to stay up, so my eagerness to fly it started to decrease significantly. Then I started to think...hey! that's a lot like life. A lot like what I am facing right this moment, right this season.
There is no freaking wind. Not a breeze can be felt.
& then it hit me....It shouldn't matter. That shouldn't stop me from wanting to do what I want to do. Life won't always have a nice breeze to coast me along. Sometimes the air will be completely paralyzed and I will have to learn to jumpstart my kite regardless. Running faster, harder, more determined. It was such an 'aha' moment for me. So what did I do? I ran my ass and flew my kite....and boy was it glorious.
Learning to Appreciate Experiences
Alright, so I'm 22. Right at that age when you start to contemplate adult decisions and situations with a mentality that is still outgrowing itself from years of rebellion and confusion. I know, lucky me. However, considering this, I am learning to appreciate my experiences, good AND bad, am finally realizing that it is these experiences that make me who I am. I've decided to be grateful, to be happy, and to take a learning caption out of everything, no matter how painful it might have been.
Detaching People From Songs
So we are all guilty of this. Associating people, feelings, situations, or places to songs that we listen to, regardless of what we feel. I mean it's almost impossible not to ingrain something while listening to a tune of some sorts. For example, Lana Del Rey reminds me of my old house and driving a blue mustang, whenever I hear Robbie Williams' "Tripping" I think of brother, and I can't help but feel sad when hearing a certain Interpol song. I usually have no issues with this, since it's a part of the magic that comes with music itself, being able to bring memories back with the hear of single note. But what happens when music you love, long before, has latched on itself to a painful or heart wrenching situation? Frustration. Lots of it.
I absolutely love this band. Not a superfan by any means, but discovering this band has been revolutionary to my music world. Reminding me of feelings of carefree times and rebellious days. However, it wasn't until a recent someone (that I grew very close to) showed me their intense love for this band, that I gained a new appreciating for their music and their sound as a whole. He transformed the way I listened to them and the way I deconstructed their lyrics and meanings. This in turn, caused me to create a heavy (HEAVY) association between the band and him. Since our friendship dwindled and I was left with great feelings of sadness and ambivalence, I stopped listening to them ever since since bringing back those feelings of bittersweet nostalgia didn't do me any good.
With that backstory laid out, you can assume what I started to feel when I heard the news that they would be coming to town. I couldn't resist buying tickets even though I had just seen them perform not that long ago, not really caring for the fact that I couldn't even hear this band without breaking into deep melancholy. Although I'm still working on these feelings, I'm pretty set on unfastening any kind of emotional connection I might have and going back to loving their music for being so.
Taking things slow
I'm appreciating the slow pace of things, ya know? Cause I mean, why rush? Things will eventually take its course no matter the speed and will fall into place at their time. Yes, there is the impatient clock ticking and yes, we should take full advantage of it. But sometimes it's okay to stroll and enjoy the walk instead of sprinting to the destination.
I finished all 3 seasons in less than a month. What the fuck is wrong with me? Was it the fact that Aiden was just too darn sexy? Or Nolan's witty lines that kept me hooked? Either way, I'm now waiting till it actually comes back on TV to see where the crazy story line goes next...which reminds me, is Scandal back on?!
On Rebuilding...A Self Discovery Project
I have been working on something for the last week or so and I'm pretty excited about it and can't wait till it's completed to show you all. Going back to my roots, my essence, and being are all what it's about. I'll have a whole post about it soon, but will leave you with this. At one point or another, due to life situations, circumstances, or lack of; we become greyfield land. Not always a temporary state of being, but nonetheless, we sometimes end up in it. The things is, even though it might not seem like it, being or feeling like a greyfield land is more than despair and lost hope. It is a canvas, an opportunity, a place to rebuild. Here's a definition of what a greyfield land is, straight from a construction website. The metaphor in it is so magical that it speaks for itself.
"Greyfield land is real estate or land which is underutilized, typically producing far less revenue than it would if properly managed. It can take a variety of forms. Often, it includes buildings which are obsolete or poorly maintained. While the real estate might have once well well-utilized, over time the land has been allowed to depreciate; the buildings may be poorly maintained, tenant turnover rates may go up, and the infrastructure of the site may be allowed to decay.
If you're feeling like a GF (as I am right now), remember this...
Developers often see greyfield land as an opportunity. In the right hands, such land could potentially become very profitable if taken over."